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Posts tagged ‘happy’

The more I work with the schedule, the more impressed I am with it. I have enjoyed having time to get caught up on mending projects that would otherwise not have gotten done for a few more months. I also appreciate having time to blog.

Sure, sometimes it gets cut into, like today. I actually washed 3 loads of laundry this morning, and the line was full since last night. The load from last night was baby clothes that were given to us. Two big rubbermaid containers full. I filled the washer with a load and hung it up all night. Because my line doesn’t get light until around 11 am, I had two loads done before it had even begun to dry–sheets and one load of family clothing. Then I realized that I had forgotten to wash a new pillowcase that I wanted to use today, and my daughter had forgotten to remove another pillowcase (we are a bit short on pillowcases, so some of them need to be washed every week to be available), so I washed those on the quick wash setting with a bunch of cloth napkins to fill it out. Anyhow, when blogging time came, I ran out for 10 minutes to haul down dry items and hang wet ones in their place. There are still wet things in the basket… I may have to run a load in the dryer this evening, but I’m hoping with the warm weather we have, coupled with a gentle breeze, the clothes will all be dry today, even if they don’t all get folded today.

Speaking of pillowcases, I just have to take a diversion to tell you about one of them. A few weeks ago, I found at the thrift store a set of sheets with cars and trains all over them for my son. But I didn’t see a pillowcase to go with the sheets. Until last Tuesday. Apparently it hadn’t been put out yet, and no one wanted it by itself. So I bought it!

But I digress.

I still haven’t gotten the whole schedule perfect yet. My schedule is pretty good. I have time for everything, with enough wiggle room to catch up on things that need to be done.

Today I got the kids going with school right on time. For now, we’re doing 1/2 hour of school. When we finish the preschool books, I’ll consider bumping it up to 45 minutes for Gislaine, at least. Manny is anything but ready to start any kind of school. He’s much more hands on. I let him color, play with puzzles, or his special wooden tools that he only plays with during school, or look at books. He’s not ready to write letters yet. But he notices what his sister is doing, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he knows the alphabet by the time the school year is over.

I spent my morning cleaning time (10-11) changing bed sheets and dusting/polishing the wooden furniture. I haven’t polished any furniture (except for the computer desk when it arrived) since we moved into the house, so some things really needed it. I took everything off the surfaces and did a thorough job. It took about 1/2 an hour. The piano smells so nice, as does everything else!

My husband still hasn’t gotten on board with the schedule. I’m not sure if he will ever or not. He makes certain things on time, like breakfast (usually) and morning worship, but other than that he pretty much doesn’t live with any kind of schedule. That’s okay. He’s not going to be home all the time forever. Actually, he has only 5 more weeks here before he has to go back to work, and less than that before school starts (1 1/2 days per week).

But I thought it might help him if he understood what I am doing and why with the schedule. We haven’t had a lot of time to discuss it, and he’s not a big reader, especially in English. He reads his devotional books and the Bible, and beyond that doesn’t do much reading. However, I have discovered that he enjoys listening to books on CD. So I have started to read the book Managers of Their Homes by Steven and Teri Maxwell (the book that taught me how to make a schedule) and record it on Audacity. When I’m done, I’ll burn an mp3 CD, and he can listen to it in his car when he is driving. If that goes over well, I might read him some other book that I would like him to read. This will also help me be a better reader. I make a lot of  mistakes when I read–especially if I read too fast.

Well, it’s time to feed the baby now, then on fold whatever laundry is dry, with my daughter’s help. Then I’ll bathe the baby and get Gislaine practicing the piano. She had 2 days of practice last week, and is doing very well with it. She spends maybe 15 minutes a day practicing. At her age, I think that is quite enough! When that’s done, I’ll spend a half hour sewing or mending, then I’ll have a half hour to do whatever needs to be done (most likely laundry). After that the older kids take their baths, then I feed the baby and then get supper. After supper is worship and bedtime. Then I have some time to catch up on whatever didn’t get done before, which will probably include freezing the beets I boiled last evening. They were a gift from a church member, and since my son can eat beets, I don’t want them to go to waste!

In the mean time, I hope my husband cleans up the kitchen. He ate lunch an hour late, so I cleaned up what I could during clean-up time, and left the rest for him to clean up while I napped. He didn’t do it. So I may end up doing it during my discretionary time, or take 10 minutes out of my sewing time. We’ll see how it goes.

All I know is, being on a schedule and on schedule makes me very happy!

At least, that’s what I think Manny would say if he could talk. I found a recipe for Sweet Potato Pancakes the other day and made them for my son this morning. At first he didn’t want to try them. He’s not used to eating anything that looks like things he never eats… that doesn’t make sense. Let me try again. He’s only used to eating beans mixed with cereal, with either fruits or veggies. So at first he refused them. But I poked a bit in his mouth and he decided he liked them! He ate 4 for breakfast and almost 5 for lunch! I decided to snap some pictures:

As you can see, they seem to be disappearing! Oh, and yes, he does use his sisters old bibs. At least they have green on them! [Ducking and running for cover]

Just thought you would like to see that!

By SamHastings on Flickr

Yesterday, I shared in part 1 how my life has been a series of spiritual ups and downs, characterized by trying to build walls to make others think I was good, while inside I was a mess.

Well, a few weeks ago I just sort of hit bottom. I had been trying to escape reality with compulsive kinds of actions, like reading for hours on end, playing computer games, etc., while my family deteriorated around me. I didn’t know what to do, and I hated myself for the way I was and the way I had allowed things to become. The bad habits of my youth were now maturing into very nasty character flaws that I could see being mirrored in my children, and I began to realize that I had to make a choice.

But I was loath to do it. Make the choice, I mean. Because I basically had two alternatives. Either surrender to God and let Him change me, or reject God and give up on everything I believed. I just couldn’t stand staying the way I was. The problem was, the latter option was just too horrendous to contemplate. And besides, being a Christian was so ingrained into my identity that I would find myself turning to God automatically when in difficult situations–like when I turned into my driveway too early and almost went over edge of the road into a tree!

But surrender scared me.

Why did it scare me? It wasn’t because I was afraid of surrender itself. I had experienced full surrender in the past–at least, as full as I knew at the time. I remember almost having an accident, and actually not getting an adrenalin rush because I had such peace with God. I longed to have that kind of relationship again. But I was afraid of failure. I had tried so many times, and just as many times I had failed. Turned my back on God. Let go of His hand and basically said, “I’m going to do it my way.”

Then I would read verses like Hebrews 6:4-6 and wonder if maybe I was a hopeless case.  But then I knew that any yearnings in my soul for God meant that I had definitely not committed the unpardonable sin, and that meant there definitely was hope for me. (I have stored up a lot of head knowledge over the years, and in times like this it was both a comfort and a torment.)

But I still feared failure. I didn’t want to turn my life over to God and then take it back once again. I wanted to break the cycle of up and down. After talking to my friend from church that I mentioned yesterday, I got in touch with one of my old friends from several years ago and began to pour out my heart to her. In an email, I wrote this:

I realize that to surrender to the extent that I did as a youth isn’t enough anymore. In proportion to the light that I have I must yield, and I have more light now than I did then. So my surrender now must be deeper than it has ever been.

As you can see, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to surrender. But I was afraid. What if I failed again? I didn’t think I could bear it. All my head knowledge told me that God would accept me just as I was, that He would forgive me and take me back with rejoicing. All the promises of His keeping power that I had memorized kept surfacing into my consciousness; evidence of His love was everywhere I looked if I just chose to see it. I began to sense things coming to a climax. I realized that it was only a matter of time before I did make a surrender. But still I hesitated.

Looking back honestly, I think that it was deeper than just my fear of failure, even though that was a very big issue. I was also unwilling to surrender certain things. It’s a lie of the devil, the idea that if you surrender to God, He will take away the things that make you happy. I know by experience that He only takes away the things that make us miserable. But I didn’t want to let go of some of those things. And some things I wondered if He would make me give them up, when in reality He wasn’t so much interested in my things as just in having me. And as I began to take that reality to heart, I began to soften.

I realize that I may not be communicating my thoughts very well. There were so many levels to my situation that I don’t know how to explain it with words. Maybe if you try to feel with your heart what I am trying to  convey, you will understand. I’m sure if you’ve ever been where I am, you can understand. I hope by the time I finish this series, those of my readers who are in the same situation I was will have some answers. That’s my goal, my reason for opening my heart to you. Not that I have all the answers yet. But I have a few. And maybe one or two of them will help.

Tomorrow I will share some of the steps that helped get me out of this dark hole I was in. So stay tuned.

If you’ve been following my blog for a while (okay, so it’s only a couple of weeks old…), you might remember my post on cracking nuts together as a family. Well, I finally got the video for that uploaded. It’s adorable! (Sorry, but you’ll have to click the video twice to get to the youtube page… I couldn’t figure out how to make the video fit on the page.)

More recently, Manny decided that it was fun to push the raisin container across the table. I caught it on video. Tried to get him to play peek-a-boo (which he will play spontaneously whenever I don’t have a camera handy), but he wasn’t in the mood. Still, it’s cute!

Thought you might enjoy these!